Remember

I never know how to best celebrate someone's life. How to honor them and remember them and even still grieve in a healthy way. I kept thinking all day that I should be crying, or with people who love her too.

It's fitting isn't it. To spend today in a memorial. January 5th, 2014 was the day Hannah Dashiell passed away. And I miss her. I often think about AP Biology. I don't know why, we have plenty of better memories than that class. We would sit in the front row and everyday for a week she kept pleading to me to go see Imagine Dragons in Seattle, I think in March or something. That I just had to get tickets. And I kept telling her I'd think about it, but it's really just too expensive. I remember the first day back to class without her there, January 6th. We had just had the most aggravating class with these grief counselors in AP Calc, they had wanted us to talk. It was mostly just annoying because they didn't know her, and they didn't know our class. AP Calc was like a family. And they were pressing us for more words than we wanted to give. I left Calc and arrived at Bio and walked in the door to see our teacher just balling. And she walked up to me and gave me the biggest hug. She just held me, both of us just crying, because what else was there to do. There weren't words to be said. There was just silence and soft sobs.

Loss. It does bring people together. It brought the senior class together, the school together, all of Bellingham together. A town going through grief. I think that loss does put us all on the same level.

I read somewhere that when the rest of the world heard what happened in America on 9/11 some reacted like now America knows what other countries struggle with. Now America is on the same level with the rest of the world. We are deal with hurt.With unwanted pain caused by unneeded violence. I think death does bring people together. Loss pulls everything that still exists closer together. The 9/11 memorial painted every scene, every angle, every part of the story. So many hurting, grieving, in shock, so many not knowing what to do. I should be crying, why am I still not crying.

Each year January 5th has brought me so many memories. So many of them make me smile. Today I wish I was with those who knew her and loved her. Those who miss her smile, laugh, witty charm, sense of style, love for music, and care for others. But in a way being at a memorial was so fitting. Being with the story of all of the families grieving. I know it's not the same pain and I can't begin to imagine what the families and friends of those lost go through. But I know that loss brings us together. Loss puts us on the same level. In loss we find unity. Sometimes that's the only comfort available to us.